Is Star Wars episode 1 as bad as I know? (review)

backstory:

A bit of backstory. The last time I actually watched this movie was when it came out in the 90s so my memory has faded since then. And the memories I had with this movie was Jar Jar, pod-racing, dearth mail and it being a bad movie overall. So, while my descent into this rabbit hole isn’t fully blind. It isn’t one with the force. 

Review:

Star Wars episode one while not being the first movie for the franchise made it the first chronologically. but it's also considered the worse of the franchise pre-Disney buy out. and there are some valid

The movie starts out with Jedi master Qui Gon Jin and Jedi apprentice Obi wan starting an ambassador trade mission. They have a really deep conversation for a kid's film. They speak about anxieties and having a duty to fill. And that sometimes you have to live in the moment. 

However, the moment is ruined when the people they are trying to trade with try to have them killed via droid firing squad.  However. Jedi master Qui Gon Jinn and his pupil are tougher than that and take them all on.  Even the most powerful droideka are no match for their tactics and might. Aka 

We get a brief moment of Palpatine pretending he doesn’t know what’s going on and the empress saying she knows he’s up to no good. It’s neat to see war time planning this early to be fair. But it doesn’t let long as we have to enter the slap-shtick planet. As we finally meet the meme legend himself Jar Jar Binks. Jar Jars existence reminds me of the idea of Chewbacca the existence of a life debt. 

We learn Jar Jar was exiled for his crimes against man. And that the Gungan do not like outsiders. When they enter the Gungan city we learn that yes that is true. But only when it comes to Nabu. Our Jedi heroes use the mind trick to get a transport back to Nabu. Which to the fandom's chagrin included Jar Jar Binks. 

On the planet of Nabu we sadly see that the planet has been invaded by the droid federation and queen Amidala has been captured. And is being forced to sign to a treaty to let the invading force in their country. 

Which is pretty fucked up for a kid's movie about space samurai. It’s great. 

However, the day is saved by Our Jedi heroes. And they head to the grand adventure. But sadly, have to make a detour in space as federation ships destroy its fuel line. And all seems lost. Except for one helper droid being able to fix it. That droid? R2-D2. And with that the next detour begins as they head to a small mafia ran planet called Tatooine. We get a new small bit of the federation meeting where we meet darth maul. 

On Tatooine Jedi master Qui Gon, Padme, Jar Jar and r2 seek parts for their ship as we enter the other new character here and its little baby Anakin Skywalker. Who tries to flirt with Padme? He's a child so it's not as weird as Padme flirting back, but it's still kind of stilted. We sadly learn that Anakin is a slave. Once again heart-breaking stuff for a kid's movie. But that’s something I feel the movie is doing right. Will be a bit too kid friendly on the war aspect. Star Wars knows how to tell dark stories for anyone of all ages. Anyone can go into these movies and watch them. And feel the impact of what’s going on. 

Sadly however, a sandstorm picks up. And the gang have to take refuge in Anakin's home. Here we meet C-3PO and learn about racing and how Anakin sees the Jedi. It’s really cute not going to lie. Seeing him show off his accomplishments is nice to see especially since he is a slave and doesn't have anyone genuinely interested in him. 

Sadly, this is when we learn the gravity of what’s really going on. And how we have to explain serious topics to a child, some very serious topics. Such that they’re not here to save them but because they have to be there. That a mother will worry about her son racing in a death machine,

But sadly, this is still a kid's movie about war so instead of it ending there they help each other. They will lie and say Anakin's pod racer is actually theirs and they will let him race and win them the parts. A bit too optimistic but it’s fun and cute.  

We get a more somber moment where we learn that Anakin has midichlorians and is force sensitive. And we don’t know who the father is.  We also learn his midichlorians count is 20,000 insert an over 9,000 memes here. they are word for word the same thing and much like power levels are irrelivant in the series once they are introduced. 

Before the race we got some cheating from a rival racer. But that’s OK. Anakin is the main hero. And our Jedi master gives him a pep talk telling him to trust his feelings and to follow the force. It feels a bit similar to obi wan telling Luke to trust the force when destroying the Death Star. 

After a long grueling race. Anakin wins and saves our heroes. They say a solemn goodbye as Anakin and the heroes prepare for space. Unfortunately, but from behind comes a threat as darth maul attacks. The attack is short lived as our heroes barely escape.

Back on Nabu we have a council between Palpatine and Queen Amidala. The two bickers about politics and Palpatine tries to be a chess master about it trying to get federation support to Nabu. But Amidala turns him down at every point. On the other side of the coin. The Jedi have their own council to discuss maul and enrolling Anakin to become a Jedi padawan.

We cut to Amidala at a meeting of the senate. As she tries to have them believe her that there is an attack on Nabu. Which the senate. Most of it sadly fails. Later that night Amidala is, sadly informed that Palpatine has been elected supreme chancellor. Amidala takes the news as well as any queen would do and leaves. 

We continue Anakin's trial to become a padawan. It shows a beautiful moment between obi wan and his master as he declares that obi won is capable of being a Jedi master and should be one. Showing the trust between him and his master. But the council must end early. As they are sent out to protect Amidala from her assassin. 

But sadly, we must return to planet slapstick as we land, Gungan planet. Only to find out that the Gungan cities are deserted. Which is not a good sign. So, they head to their sacred shrine to seek the others.  Thankfully we were able to find the Gungan leader. During the council between planets. An unlikely ally ship has been formed. 

Now that the Gungan and Nabu planets have formed a union the two armies are able to take assault on the droid armies. The war itself is a smoke screen as we learn that our Jedi heroes are using it to sneak past the federation. Sadly, they are intercepted by Darth maul to have the best damn saber fight in Star Wars history. 

It’s two on one giving the Jedi an advantage.  But maul doesn’t see a problem as he activated his dual sided saber. The three warriors duel with the best fight choreography.   

As the best saber battle happens, we get shots of the Gungan demolishing the droid armies and Anakin stumbling through the auto pilot and flying through space barely not being shot down. 

But that’s irrelevant as we’re here to see saber duels. During the dual obi wan is thrown off the balcony but is able to survive. Only in time to see his master and maul trapped in a room only divided by a red barrier between the three warriors. the barrier is lifted only for a second. Keeping obi won trapped. To sit there and watch his master get struck down. 

Everything seems lost. Obi Won lost his master. You can see the anger and in Obi Wons eyes as he witnessed his master fall to the hands of Maul. The sadness mixed with rage washes over him.  Amidala has been captured. And the Gungan are defeated. All hope seems lost. Then Amidala reveals she’s a decoy as the real Amidala reveals herself and captures the senators who invaded her planet. A small victory but a victory nonetheless as it cuts back Obi won who’s staring daggers at maul. Like a raging bull who’s seeing red. 

The moment the barrier is lifted he’s let loose as he and Maul continue their fight. Both warriors furiously continue their duel. Maul cheats by using the force to push obi won away. It cuts away one last time as Anakin stumbles to the control ship and destroys it. 

We get one final moment with obi wan as he uses the force to jump and grab his master's saber. And with one furious swing cuts maul in half. After the dual ends. Qui Gonneesan tells Obi Wan to look after Anakin as his soul enters the force's life stream.  And with that the federation has been defeated. 

Before the story ends Yoda berates Obi wan for this action but relents because the council says so. And we get one final moment as they give Qu Gon Jin a warrior's funeral by lighting the body on fire as they lament the return of the Sith. 

Overall thoughts:

Overall, the movie itself is serviceable and provides the groundwork for what's to come with episodes 2 and 3, but it's not something i'd recommend watching right away when it comes to Star Wars. Like it's not as bad as people remember it. But it's not good either. 

Good:

The acting choices themselves are fantastic, Liam Neson being Qui Gon jinn works really well especially as an older mentor role. 

The camera work and cinematography for the on-screen human actors is beautiful, giving us beautiful moments. A good example is after Qui Gon recommends obi-wan being a jedi knight they both meet at a window and behind them is a sunset, as the two converse on the future of both of them

The choreography is still stellar. 

The serious tones were very well acted and you feel the gravity of everything.  A good example for this is when Anakin has to learn that Qui Gon and Padme aren't there to free the slaves but to get parts and leave. Or the duel with maul. You can feel the tension in the actions and it's told with actions and moments of silence. 

Bad:

The balance between three stooges style slapstick wasn’t timed right and feels like it was edited badly. 

some of the effects aged weirdly. It’s not bad but it doesn’t look timeless either. 

Jar Jar being a comic relief version of a life debt seems really bad story wise. 

Anakin’s age being 10 is really weird bad considering some reason Padme wants him to force choke her with his dick

Is it bad:

Not really. I just think Jar Jar made people hate it. And honestly if you took out most of Jar Jars moments a really jarring example is when Padme is mourning the idea of her entire race of people dying and Jar Jar just walks in saying

It just kills any tension that could have and should been there in this movie about war

could have been removed from the script and people would have worked better