Star Wars: Episode 2: Attack Of The Clones (review)

we also did review episode 1 prior. you can read here 

 Ethics and brevity:

I bought these movies myself and have 0 affiliation with Disney. We do support the official release

Copyright:

Star Wars is property of Disney and Lucasfilms

Story:

We begin our movie with a galactic cruiser landing in Coruscant. Inside the cruiser is Padme and her small crew as an explosion. However, the renegades mostly survive with minimal casualties. As the survivors are rallied, they run into hiding as they try to reach the chamber where the Jedi and chancellor Palpatine are being held.

It however does cut the Jedi council in a meeting with chancellor Palpatine discussing the possibility of war between the republic and the newly formed separatist army after the trade federation collapsed. However, the meeting is interrupted as Padme and her posse waltz in and tell us that count Dooku was probably the one who tried to have her killed. Which causes Palpatine to demand obi-wan protect her. Which is oddly specific, but the plot demands it! And so do we!

Obi wan and Anakin hold a council with Padme as they discuss what needs to be done Anakin tries to change their roles by talking out of line but Obi-Wan sets him straight. However, we’re not here for that as we have to get into the best convoluted Star Wars moment. As we see an off-screen assassin hand a jar of bugs to another assassin. Which that chain of command gets even more convoluted and nonsensical as we go one. It cuts to Anakin and Obi-Wan arguing while the assassin HANDS THE JAR OF BUGS TO ANOTHER ASSASSIN WHO WILL HAND IT TO A DROID.

We do get a really beautiful moment as Anakin reveals his feelings about Padme to Obi-Wan who advises him to be careful. Unfortunately, their conversation is ruined as a robot unleashes poisonous bugs into Padme's room. The bugs do not set off R2-D2 alarm however the force is still strong as our Jedi heroes save Padme. Sensing it’s inevitable the robot assassin tries to escape but Obi-Wan jumps on it as it tries to fly away with Anakin following behind. Who finds a way to meet up with him via a Naboo speeder.

During the chase, Anakin is able to catch up to Obi-Wan via pure chance as Obi-Wan lands into Anakin's speeder they chase after their would-be assassin the heroes have to go through some obstacles including getting shocked to near death and losing their assailant. Though they are the main characters ass Anakin jumps out of his speeder and falls directly onto his assailants' speeders roof and survives.

The would-be assassin tried everything in their power to get him off the speeder to no avail as Anakin tricks them into destroying their brake system forcing them to do a crash landing in a shady space nightclub. Before Anakin can catch them, the assassin gets away as Obi-Wan and Anakin chase her into another shady space nightclub.

The seeds for future stories are planted as Anakin discusses with Palpatine about Padme who feeds into Anakin's ego. Stating he’s as powerful as Yoda and he doesn’t need guidance. Which is causing Anakin to develop an ego

In an arena that would Make Caligula blush we get to see Obi-Wan berate Anakin for being there as the leaders of Genosha unleash several animals to kill and eat our heroes. As the animals get closer a last-minute move is made as Padme frees herself from her shackles. Leaving the boys to figure out what to do. Both Anakin and Padme trick the beasts into breaking their shackles. During the festivities Padme kicks the attacking monster. Causing it to wait for her to strike. Anakin befriends his beast by killing its original tamer and uses it to kill Padme's monster.

The battle rages further with no end in sight as the droids continue to ambush and kill each member of the Jedi forces. However, the battle just kind of ends as Dooku demands the Jedi to stand down. 

As soon as Windu declares they won’t stand down Yoda arrives with the one army as they devastate the droid army. And bring all of the surviving Jedi plus Padme to safety. We get one last bit of fan service as we see young Boba Fett holding Jango's helmet crying.

But that sight doesn't get time to be brought up as the Remaining Jedi land on a droid factory to blow it up. As the heroes send thousands of troops to destroy every single droid on the planet including their Starships, the trade federation sends Dooku back with the plans for the spherical star destroyer as he returns to Palpatine.

The clone command ship holding Anakin and Obi-Wan is assaulted and Padme is sent flying off the ship. Obi-Wan and Anakin argue about the best solution. As the two try to attack Dooku he takes Anakin out leaving Dooku and Obi-Wan to duel. The duel is a game of cat and mouse as Dooku toys with Obi-Wan. Leaving him open to small attacks. As he strikes down Obi-Wan. Before he can kill Obi-Wan Anakin saves his master and duels with Dooku. The duel is one sided as he strikes Anakin down, cutting his arm off. All seems lost as Dooku is left Victorious.

as they go into the nightclub Obi-Wan disappears at the bar so it’s up to young Anakin to find the assassin on his own. The woman tries and fails to sneak up on Obi-Wan. The heroes try to interrogate her, but her boss kills them. So, there is no place to go but back to the Jedi council. The council decided to split our heroes up. Obi-Wan to hunt down the assassin and Anakin to speak to Palpatine to get her to go back to her home planet.

As Padme is leaving for home, she appoints Jarjar as her proxy. Anakin's ego starts to show as he tells Padme his eternal thoughts about how unfair it is for him to still be a padawan and that he should be a master. But Padme brings him back to reality, he tries to move in for more, but Padme shoots him down. They cut to Padme and Anakin on a shuttle as they travel back to Naboo. It cuts to Obi-Wan in some sort of hole in the wall dinner as he searches for information on the unknown assassin boss. The owner of the diner informs him that the bullet used to kill the original assassin is from a “closer” on a planet called Kamino. The planet and system it’s held in seems to Be held in mystery as Obi-Wan seems to Not be able to find it. The mystery is put in the back as we get a scene that contradicts a lot of Star Wars lore as Padme asks Anakin if the Jedi can love. Which he tells her no. Which is contradicted by several at one time canon extended universe. It’s not that they cannot love, it's that they cannot be clouded by the love that is the problem. Including Obi-Wan himself who in canon fell for a Mandalorian woman. It’s not that Jedi cannot fall in love, it's that attachment cannot cloud their judgment. The idea of nepotism and potential of why Jedi “can't love” an article written by Screenrant goes into better detail than i can, read it here

Tangent aside, Anakin discusses that he’s dreamt of Padme which kills the entire mood. Padme's face goes from intrigue to being filled with disgust shows how well Natalie Portman can act. Obi-Wan reaches out to Yoda for help finding Kamino. Who’s padawan advises it’s possible that someone erased it from the map archives and Obi-Wan will have to go there manually to find it.

Back on Naboo, Padme holds a council with the Naboo leaders to try to figure out what the next solution will be. However, everyone seems to be more worried about Padme's safety than the possibility of war and how to stop it early. Padme also tells the council she will be staying in a secluded countryside. With Anakin, the entire time they are there it is awkward and not at all cute. But we will we discuss this further

But more on that later as Obi-Wan lands on a storm ridden planet of Kamino to investigate further. The people of Kamino advised a flabbergasted Obi-Wan that the prime minister of Kamino is expecting him and that the clone army is ready for deployment. However, they mention the name Sifo Dyas a Jedi who was killed 10 years ago in battle. Which throws Obi-Wan off guard. This mention also gives Obi-Wan some clarity into what is going on with the clone army.

The prime minister reveals that the clone army is for the use of the republic. As he gives Obi-Wan the tour of the clone army.

As Obi-Wan and the prime minister inspect the clones, we get some really dark turns as much to Obi-Wan chagrin the prime minister admits they force the clones to grow at an accelerated rate. And that they force them into obedience. After the information is discovered, the prime minister reveals that original was Jango Fett and that he wanted an unaltered clone for himself to treat as his son, Bobba Fett.

We cut back to Anakin and Padme discussing politics and we see another seed show for his future as Padme asks how he views politics. He reveals that the people should work together even if it’s by force. Which is a dictatorship. Which some reason drives Padme into a weird “ok yeah he’s the one” moment. They frolic through the fields, and it cuts back to Kamino.

Obi-Wan tries to talk to Jango Fett about the clone army. Obi-Wan gets Jango to confess about the real commissioner of the clone army by revealing it was master tyranous. It doesn’t get time to linger as it cuts back to Anakin and Padme being in an awkward will, they won’t they as Anakin begs for her love, but she turns him down. she gently lets him down as he says they can be secret lovers. But it again doesn’t let it linger as it’s back to Obi-Wan and Kamino

Before Obi-Wan leaves the planner Obi-Wan gives the Jedi council an update on the clones and Jango Fett. Obi-Wan asks about what happened to Syfo and the creation of the clone army. Yoda and Windu discuss whether or not to reveal how blind to the force the Jedi have been.

Back on Naboo Padme consoled Anakin over his nightmares and fears. Anakin convinces Padme to travel back to Tatooine. but it doesn't last long. We get a fight scene between Obi-Wan and Jango Fett as he Obi-Wan lands a flying drop kick into Jango. Every now and then in the flight it cuts to Bobba trying to prepare slave one for takeoff. The scene is rally fast paced but the fight is well choreographed and edited. During the fight Jango assumes Obi-Wan has died as he climbs back up to board slave one. Giving Obi-Wan enough time to take another path to sneak up on Jango. Sadly Obi-Wan is too late to go on the offensive but does place a tracking beacon on slave one.

We land on Tatoinne as Obi-Wan meets his former slave master as he asks what happened to his mother. Who reveals that he had to sell her to a moisture farmer on Mos Eisley. It’s honestly a really depressing moment to think about how humans on Tatoinne work. That you can be bought and sold at a moment's notice

It cuts back to Obi-Wan as he chases after Jango Fett in an asteroid field. During the ensuing chase Jango gets the upper hand on Obi-Wan causing him sending an assault of blaster fire and a homing missile at him. Thinking quickly Obi-Wan lightens his ships load by sending spare parts into orbit tricking the Fetts into thinking he was destroyed.

As Obi-Wan continues to search for Jango he lands on a planet covered in trade federation forces. Again, no time to dwell on any of this as we cut back to Anakin and Padme as they are greeted by the Lars family. Who are having to tell Anakin the bad news that his mother was taken by Tusken raiders. This news enrages Anakin who storms off to look for his mother or at least her kidnappers.

Anakin speeds off into the night searching and low searching for them. Even asking Jawas for help. However, that search is cut off by Obi-Wan finding a droid factory. Obi-Wan is caught off guard as the trade federation is discussing the future plans with a mysterious new player. Obi-Wan spies on them long enough to be able to escape.

It cuts back to Anakin who sneaks in and frees his mother who is barely conscious and can only repeat his name as she falls into eternal rest as she her dying words are “I love you”. The scene is heart breaking watching Anakin lose one of two things keeping him on the right path. Seeing his eyes Fill with anger as he commits genocide and kills every single sand person in the tribe. This causes a big enough rift in the force as it stops Yoda from meditating.

The next day While Anakin prepares to hurry his mother Obi-Wan sends him a relay message to send to the Jedi council. Anakin doesn’t get a chance to see the relay as he cries to Padme about the loss of his mother. He understandably is heartbroken Padme does try to console him, but he isn’t able to understand what’s going on. The way he's breaking down is understandable, the fact he is not only lost his mom. But the fact that he lost control and gave in to the dark side. It's understandable that he would break down this way especially considering he's only 17 years old in earth human years

During his breakdown he reveals that he did in fact kill the sand people. From the men women and children. He screams “They’re like animals. I slaughtered them as such” and falls to the floor in a depressed mess. Padme finally gets a chance to console him.

After the breakdown uncle Lars and family give Anakin's mom a eulogy. As Anakin falls to his knees and laments her loss. It’s honestly a dark and depressing moment. However, Anakin doesn’t get a chance to fully lament as R2 de-scrambles and relays obi-wan message. That reveals who commissioned the clones and the reveal of the newest battle droid. The Droideka. 

a rolling droid that is covered in a barrier. Jedi master Windu tells Anakin to stay with Padme and to stay on Naboo. Who convinces him to travel to Obi-Wan's location. The home planet of the trade federation Genosha.

It cuts back to Genosha while Obi-Wan is confronted by the mystery man. Count Dooku. Who uses Jedi master Qui Gon's passing to emotionally manipulate Obi-Wan into joining him and that the republic is controlled by the Sith. And that Darth Sidious controls the senate and betrayed the trade federation. And together they can destroy the Sith. All of which is true. But it is really nonsensical and a roundabout way of doing any of this. While everything he’s saying is true, Obi-Wan knows full well that Dooku is a traitor and not to be trusted. Why would emotional manipulation work on a Jedi master?

Would it have? On most maybe but not Obi-Wan. As Obi-Wan declines his offer as Dooku tells him he’ll try to free him, it cuts to a jar jar giving Palpatine full emergency control of the senate. His first action is to provide the clone army. While this is happening, we learn that Yoda and Windu are over hearing this and separate to Genosha and back to Kamino.

Back on Genosha Padme and Anakin are chased into an assembly line by bug monsters who continue their assault on them. The conveyer belt continues to push our reluctant heroes as they barely can escape. Anakin's arm and lightsaber gets caught in a machine and Padme gets caught in a mold. Standing there fearing the worse they are saved by r2 as it turns off the belt and the mold. Only to be taken by Jango Fett and an army droid.

As They are taken to an arena, we get a pretty cute moment as Padme confesses her love for Anakin and that the pact, they made is nothing because they’re love is strong and they are going to die anyway. I know it's a reference to the bible, the way they are chained to the pillars as they await the beasts to come and fight to survive is the same way they had gladiator fights in the bible, 

but it almost feels closer to something you'd see in a Hercules movie than a biblical reference. 

To counteract this, Dooku sends an armada of Droideka to ambush them. Only to be rescued by Windu and the Jedi council. However, Dooku is smart enough to figure this would happen and sends an army of droids to counter this. As the Jedi and droid army fight Padme gets on a chariot and shoots down several droids not paying attention to her.

During the ensuing combat Jango Fett tries to attack Windu only for him to meet a quick Demise. Which makes all the buildup for him really necessary and only seems like he’s there for fan service. Which wasn’t even needed to begin with. His entire existence is to give a reason the clones were there. He shows up, says "Hi I am Jango Fett. here is my son Bobba Fett. These are clones" and then dies. It would have been better in my opinion for him to have been a mention and a shot of slave-1 and thats it than for him to have been wasted the way he was

 Everything seems lost, Anakin and Obi-wan are down for the count. But that's when Yoda waddles into even the odds. The two have a force battle as both forces throw rocks and debris at each other. They throw everything at each other, including force Lightning. Dooku pulls his lightsaber out and challenges Yoda to a duel. The duel doesn't last too long, but it does show off some great skill and tactical thinking, the complete opposite of the little creature we see him as in episode 5.

While Yoda is smaller than Dooku, he uses his skills to best him. Duku realizes that he lost cheats by throwing a pillar at the two fallen Jedi using the destruction to escape. As he lands, he provides his Sith master the blueprints.

We get a final scene as Obi-Wan, Yoda and Windu discuss their traitorous friend Dooku, that the clone army was their only means of escape and that there’s still much to do and that a new war has begun. That the clone war has begun. Though not all is bitter it ends on a scene of Padme and Anakin being secretly married.

overall thoughts:

Overall, I'm not entirely sure why I originally ranked this movie higher in an original ranking I've done. It's filled with too many convoluted plot points and turns a lot of good people we've seen originally into really bad people. A good example is when we first meet Yoda in episode 5 he's an old shaman who just wants Luke to be a good person, but in this he's advocating entire war crimes.

Good:

On production side, The Choreography is pheloniminal, the editing is really good.

Obi-Wan’s character really great him becoming Anakin's mentor and him having to overcome the faults of a Jedi as well as being a mentor,

Bad:

This movie focuses too much on the fanservice aspects of the world, Jango Fett exists, then dies and we see boba holding the helmet sadly. All the fan service could easily have been cut out or re-written.

There is a lot of filler that can easily be removed from the movie involving r2d2 and c3po that really doesn't need to exist either.

While I do like the hero's journey with Anakin. It feels more like set up for episode 3 and his rise to become Darth Vader than an actual hero's journey. You can have both, and that someone really needed to hold Lucas's back on a lot of this script.

The convoluted nature of things; an assassin, hires another assassin, to hire an assassin to throw a bunch of poisonous bugs on Padme instead of just killing her. It's weird for Jango Fett who is smart enough to have make a clone army to just hire a dude to hire a dude to hire a dude.